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Bird poop grinds my gears

Bird poop grinds my gears

By Nicole James


Every day when I park at work I park in a different place; sometimes in the front of the lot, sometimes the back, maybe to the far left or right, and in the middle of it all, occasionally.

When I go to my car to leave each day I see massive amounts of bird poop all over my car.  It looks like some bird had some crazy diarrhea explosion all over the hood, roof, and trunk of my car. I can’t tell if this is the work of one bird, or many. Each day I kick my tire with stilettos, throw my briefcase in the car, and grumble about the damn birds as I shake my fists at the sky. I’m sure I look like a crazy person.

It truly baffles me how I can park in totally different places every day and yet every day I continue to have mass amounts of bird poop all over my car. It really grinds my gears.

As I get angry, shake my fists at the sky and stomp my stilettos on the ground, I scan the other cars around me. None of them have the slightest bit of bird poop, let alone the explosion that is all over my car on the daily.

After analyzing this situation for weeks now, the only remotely logical conclusion I have as to why my car is targeted is because it is red. I know some of you are not Ford fans… let the jokes fly… but I highly doubt a bird can comprehend the difference between a Ford Mustang and a Chevy Camaro, or really anything else. On the days another mustang parks next to me their car is spotless while mine is a poop war zone.

Each day I wash it off when I get home only to have the same problem the next day I go to work. I just cannot even deal with this anymore. It just grinds my gears… Damn Birds, Poop!


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